Month: January 2018

bitter colds and warm hearts

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

2018/01/07

my heart is warm y’all,  in spite of these frigid temps. horus, my itty bitty kitty baby is doing well and he put on some weight, he was at 6 lbs and now at 10 lbs and i am actually happy for this weather as i get to stay home these four days (i was home since wednesday) so i can feed my kid every 4 hours and got to cuddle him and kiss him and tell him ‘i love you’. i can tell he is feeling well already as he is purring and his eyes are bright and shiny and he even meowed a couple of times.

my winter sads have been coming on strong in the past days as it’s colder than iceland (apparently), so i’ve been fighting back with sun worshipping by hanging onto the windows along with my kids and colorful vegetables, chocolate mousse cake, touching plants on the street when i went for walks to get circulation going, and thinking about green, and listening to pascal obispo and love songs with my cats who are good for me like sweet potatoes.

my kids and i have been suffering from cabin fever and i really would love to go for a long drive but i haven’t been out very far in my car since wednesday. on friday evening after sabbath started, i thought i would go for a ride to check out the roads because i wanted to go to church on sat morning, and after two blocks i got stuck in icy slush and i was kicking myself mentally when a young man came and unstuck me and while driving away i thanked him profusely and i returned home and decided not to go out again !

this morning there’s a mysterious puddle in my kitchen and i am wondering if some water pipe broke but i am in no mood for bad news and as long as my kitchen won’t flood and i don’t get to wade or swim, i am firmly shutting my eyes and pretend everything is ok.

here’s a funny fact. i was watching news, and apparently the cleveland browns (foot ball) team didn’t win even a single game in their entire season, and so the browns fan had a protest parade for a “perfect winless season” and i saw one guy with a little placard which said “they tried” and i fell off of my bed laughing… haha !

i’m looking forward to going to work tomorrow just to shake off some of this laziness and i want to stretch and work out and start working on my future course work. i had a little chat on friday with this guy and he gave me some ideas and obviously, my transition has to wait, as he wants me to do some course work in finance and he promised to find me little projects for me as a taste of things to come. and oh my gym closed abruptly and i have to now find another gym pronto or i shall go insane as we are on a winter break for ballet as well.

i am content and i am happy. an elder from my church sent a little inspirational text with a story. one day a man was crossing a bridge, but he was scared so he turned and asked god, can i hold your hand so i may not fall ? and god said, “no my child, i will hold your hand”. the man asked “what’s the difference?” and god replied, “if you hold my hand and something happens, you might let go but if i hold your hand, no matter what happens, i will never let you go”.  i feel that way, that no matter what, god got my back and i know god will have my back for the rest of my life.

looking at the soft shapes of my cats has warmed my heart and now i’m just sitting on the floor in front of my lit fireplace, chewing on a piece of french bread with brie and grapes, and patting my legs and sighing and i am content.

i’ll soon get up to make some coffee to finish off my light lunch and go do my laundry, give my babies their lunch and then will settle down to watch “the frozen dead” on netflix.

hey hi hello friends ! hope you’re all well. hope you can find a way to be happy in all this ice and snow around, even if you have to make a town of igloos to do so.

a bientôt !

the best is yet to come !

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

what’s with my lying to boys i like when they ask a straight forward question ? my american boy terry, came over to me yesterday at work and asked me if i watched the flyers game (ice hockey) the night before and which i haven’t watched but i lied and said yes. this is half truth as i did know they lost and i recorded the game as i was out on a semi-date with a boy who has been chasing after me over two years and i have been brushing him off as he just turned 30 last year and so he is much younger than i am and i know i don’t look my age but i am clearly ancient in wisdom and experiences, but i thought it is only fair to give him a shot and so am interviewing him and other boys (sort of) as i need to find a lover for my needs and whateves… and a little background. i am a flyers fan and most of the time i parade around the office in my flyers hoodie and now a days i am also sporting my leg warmers and i could care less how i look as i have breathing issues and this blistering cold weather is making it hard for me to breathe as it is and my chest and lungs hurt almost all the time. so i was actually a bit surprised as he was discussing his american sports with me. but lately he has been putting in some effort into chatting with me and i am like “dude, why ?”

and honestly terry, i fall for you over and over again and i really don’t know why but i would like to blame you anyways…

my american boy keeps me up at night and to be honest, i am reeling in my feelings for him and oh, i overheard him telling someone that he lives by himself ? (which surprised me as i thought, for sure he lives with his girlfriend) and my brain went in so many different directions including you should call me up on cold nights to come up and warm you up thoroughly lol.

terry may not realize it but i am being very nice and not trying to capture his attention because he has a girlfriend, but if he doesn’t watch out, he may end up getting hooked in my tentacles anyways and then end up in my bed. i think he may love this as he likes to fish…  😊

i’ve reasons why i want to talk to him, but i am avoiding him as the more i talk to him, the more i want to jump him and kiss him so goddamn hard but i don’t because i am a decent upstanding member of the society. and also, i’m slightly concerned that he may be a bit shallow and i need someone who is intellectual and philosophical but to be fair, it’s only my impression as i don’t know him as a person and haven’t made any effort whatsoever to know him, and i’m not spending my energy into knowing someone who isn’t available as it’s not cost effective and so terry, if you ever become single and available, you should look me up and only if you think you can handle me. but, i think i actually would like to chat and know you as a person for academic reasons.

i consider that one cannot love without being on the edge of cliff. every annoyance is a heartbreak and every question eats away at you. if you love without passion you do not really love. and my love is very chaotic and passionate; it’s bites on lips and sucking on ear lobes, scratches on the back and sex is rough, and passionate, gasping for air and gasping for life, pretty much.

i have decided i would polish up on my french so i can join french social meets where i can encounter french boys. as i said, it’s been a while since i had sex and i’m still not convinced that i should remarry but in case i decided not to marry, i would need a lover in a hurry and i usually plan five years into my future and the future i’ve being laying out for myself is going to become really hectic and busy soon and i may not have time to find a good man and i don’t want to end up on tinder or worse so i can have a fuck and gosh, i so need to fuck.

also i want to brush up on the languages because of the future i am laying out for myself in this corporation.

i am excited about my future. the executive, to who i sent my resume remembered me (and i was actually surprised because for sure i thought i would have to remind him) and kept his word and made phone calls for a contact person for me to talk to and he called me up on wednesday and gave me the contact’s name and i immediately dropped him an email and i will be talking to him tomorrow and i am so goddamn excited. the best which could come from this is me being able to transition without a hiccup, and worse could be in terms of time and course work and laying down the foundation and getting into an entry level where i may end up making less than what i am right now but i am thinking that’s the risk i will take because the result is worth it as i am clearly very intelligent (you may all be aware of my lack of modesty by this time and as i have repeated multiple times but i believe modesty is for losers and i know what i am and what i am capable of)

i am also thinking of adding this as an objective on my resume “i would like to excel and make sufficient money in order to give my cats a luxurious life and for providing them with good preventative care in terms of their diet, supplements and also so i can meet their vet bills”.

well, here’s to 2018; and to frigid winters and fragrant springs and dreamy summers and orgasmic autumns. here’s to the books i’ll be reading this year. here’s to loving art and musique and connecting and appreciating passions of other people. here’s to more creativity and here’s to soaking in the light and darkness this year may shed on me. here’s to falling in love again and again, and to keep on loving (you) and learning regardless of whatever. here is to healing and inspiration.

bises !

et bonne année 2018

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

here are some of my fireworks and the reason(s) for my existence. horus, my brave little warrior, came home yesterday with his e-tube and he is well and i’m like one step away from getting a veterinary technician license. minnu, the next few photos, in glorious blissful sleep and then buttons, pepper with their still sleepy hobo-esque mama and the last photo is where my lap held four kitties at once (pepper, anubis, minnu & bastet). in case you are wondering, when i’m home, i spend a lot of time in my bed, getting up occasionally for pee breaks, and to stretch & get coffee.

twenty-seventeen or two-thousand-and-seventeen or whatever the hell you want to call it, was a big year. i know that for all intents and purposes, most years are big by nature but this one was especially so.  for whatever reason i find each year is increasingly hard and i find myself saying to myself, i can’t do this anymore. nevertheless, i persisted (remember the hashtag ?).

a lot happened this year, so much so that i don’t know if i can express everything in words. i will, however, try. this year i learnt a lot about myself. i wouldn’t go as far to say that i “found myself” but i know who i am now growing into or molding into.

i was loved a lot this year, thank goodness, by good people with warm hearts and open minds and those people mean more to me than anyone. i did a lot of things i thought i would never do and i surprised myself in both good and bad ways. when properly angered i know what i am capable of doing and i have some good people who found it wise to take me into their arms and let me not do something stupid.

i moved past a lot of hurt and learnt that you can live through hell and you can then become a different, quieter self but ultimately stronger person for it.

i danced a lot. i worked a lot. i worked hard. i learned and studied and decided that i should wait until i’m ready, and i finally believe i am. i wished a lot that i drank a lot to subdue the pain.

ultimately, i was pushed out of my comfort zone this year. i didn’t know what i was doing a lot of the time. i found tangible, real, life-changing aspirations and dreams.

i have an intelligent brain and heart, and i know what it means to live. everything else has been a wonderful, indulgent embellishment.

2017, thank you for being so fucking difficult, because i needed to know how strong i really was, and that the year before did not, in fact, break me. i learnt how to be good to myself. i learnt how to say “i’ll persist”.

as usual, grateful to god for giving us peace and a year of content, and for his unending blessings & protection for me & my babies, for giving us another year to laugh, cuddle and love.

happy new year 2018 and hope this year is also full of laughs, good health, lots of love and peace and may we all be blessed and content this year as well.