Finally sun has come with bright light and warmth. Weather has been crazy and the equations went something like this

Warmth + no sun = Rainy

Sun + no rain = Cold

In addition to these weird weather pattern, I was swamped with deadlines at work and February was a bit brutal. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and not having sun didn’t help at all.  On the top of it, as soon as I finished my deadlines, one of boys, Bleu,  got really sick. He is 19 years old and he has onset of kidney disease. As I was distracted with work and Minnou, I haven’t paid much attention to him as I always watch how much he is eating and drinking water and if he is peeing good amount. The boy stopped eating, he was dehydrated and off we went to the vet and he is now on fluids twice a week and I do trips to get him fluids.

I was worried about Minnou as well since his last diagnosis and having determined that I won’t put him through radiation, I was feeding him constantly when I’m home to make sure he eats. I am to take him for another check up soon.  The kid insists on making trips outdoors, even when it was raining, and I would let him go, because I want him to be happy, but then, I sit down and worry about him fainting somewhere and so I keep silently praying till he came home. Moms, eh ? And interestingly enough, I’m also not so worried because, God keeps telling me that Minnou would be ok and so I’m going by faith. This week (March 8), I took him to another vet for a second opinion. And she put him on high dose of steroids and it seems to do good for my boy. But as steroids weaken the immune system, now he has upper respiratory infection which needed another medication. But still, God is good. My boy actually put on some weight and he seems to be in good spirits.  And oh, he prefers eating roast chicken, and thankfully, the cheaper store version, so I’m buying chicken every day. I know it’s $10 per day but I really don’t care. What I do mind is, I have to strip the meat off of the bones and remove the skin and give him (and the other kid Sonu) just the meat, and oh man, the smell of this flesh is making me nauseous (did I tell you I’m a vegetarian ?).

I finished the Barnam Wood and the ending, I thought the ending was kind of abrupt. Oh well. I started on Tomorrow, and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (March 2^nd), but got paused again as I have sick babies to take care of.

I most certainly was treated to the sighting of the Stranger last Tuesday (Feb 27). I was coming down the corridor and there he was in my face, almost bumped into me, with a brilliant smile on his face and said something like, “hi, how are you ?” in a hurry. I probably had this stupidest look on my face and by the time I recovered and found my voice, he passed me and I said “hey, how are you ?” to the space in front of me. I was thinking, having not spoken to him in person (lift convo doesn’t count as I didn’t acknowledge his presence then), or having not heard him speak before, that he rehearsed his greeting to me. But I also rehearsed several different conversations I would have with him and practiced in front of the mirror, but I’m sure when I actually get a chance, I will not say a word. For fuck sakes ! I’m an adult but I behave like a retard. And again yesterday (March 13) I was blessed with another sighting. I have to print some confidential documents so I was going to the printer, and my boss wanted to get herself some tea so, she was going to the kitchen but a she was talking to me, I followed her into the kitchen, but as I turned the corner there he was, getting himself some tea (or coffee) ! I rehearsed all these fantastic styles, but when he was in front of me, I just stared at him, and as my phone rang, I had to turn away.

Yesterday, I got home and I was thinking, this won’t do. Oh, btw, I found out he may be married or at least he has kids. So, he goes out of the window for sure. But I need to get over him. So, I’ve this cunning plan !! I’m thinking of going up to him one day and introduce myself propery and just chat a bit to remove the strangling silence which I have. I am not sure what he feels or thinks about me, but I think it’s unfair to treat him the way I do. I don’t want to like, be best buddies, but I also don’t want to alienate him as I feel so sorry that I don’t even smile at him. Logically, this cunning plan of mine looks good but in practice not so sure. Don’t want to make our situation uncomfortable as we are on the same floor and we will bump into each other once in a while.

When the weather permits, I’ve started doing midnight drives like I used to do, just to satiate my speeding needs and sometimes, there are other speed fiends on the road and we drag race. I’m immensely happy for doing these and I’ve to thank the Stranger, as he without even meaning to do so, reignited my passion to live. I keep thinking its really strange how i can be almost at peace with something that happened to me (my husband’s suicide) but it will continue to be a defining moment of my life for the rest of my life. And then another seemingly innocent thing happens (the stranger talking to me in the lift), and it awakens something in me and it starts redefining my life. It’s like, my life in two acts !!

Anyway, today the sun touched my face and it was glorious !!