personal

li’l confused me

/ mycatisafrenchspy / 2 Comments

i started this blog as i wanted to share my writing about this boy i have a huge crush on and i was kind of posting the writings on my other social sites but he started reading them and i got suddenly scared. i love writing and capturing my day with words and as this boy is usually a major part of my day he invariably crops up in my writings. my feelings are confusing because i shouldn’t feel for him as he is in a relationship.

yesterday archana and i went to max brenner as she is visiting from california after a long time and before she moved to california, she and i loved to hang out. i don’t befriend many people but we became friends. i have another blog but it’s kind of linked to a religious organization and so i decided i will keep it clean. i have a very strong vocabulary and sometimes it’s too much and so my writing will be uncensored here and it will also serve as a journal.

and in this blog i want to vent things related to my feelings; my feelings about this boy; my political views; anything or everything which bothers me or makes me happy;

archana and i caught up with each other’s life; she told  me that she had two miscarriages and i told her how my husband died; we consoled each other; we didn’t cry because we are strong. she has gone back now to her home, to her husband.

coming back to the boy, my confusion or may be it’s not confusion. archana says i shouldn’t bury my feelings because he has a girl friend. as long as he isn’t married, she says, i should explore and leave it to the “universe” hahaha… by that she meant leave it to God. she is a hindu so…  i sort of understand what she means but i am like but i heard the boy say he is working up to ask his girl friend to marry and i am like ugh ! i know he isn’t married but i want him to be happy… i had very traumatic endings to my relationships (two) and i don’t want anything but being content and happy and he makes me smile. but i am also scared. so i am doing the best thing i do… write ! and write !

see you soon, dear blog !

Midnight in Paris

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

10/11/2017

Midnight in Paris : I had the best night tonight since 2014; I spent this evening with my best friend who is visiting Philly and we both sat in our favorite haunt, Max Brenner (shout out to the baldman) and reminisced and caught up and loved every second of it. It’s my Midnight in Paris, part 2. Love her and enjoyed every minute hanging out with her.

Interestingly my short-lived love affair with jazz started one night after I watched Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris (with my friend). I always have romanticized the 1920s but the movie triggered a night’s worth of appreciation. I remember sitting on a chair near my window and listening to the sounds of Louie Armstrong while watching the night sky. That evening was so pleasurable that I made it a weekly habit that lasted about six months…

but sometimes you just find less time (and freedom) to enjoy nights alone, esp if you were not alone and at that time I had a husband who didn’t appreciate my music jazz or otherwise as he was into hard rock. so I slowly drifted off and finally I stopped listening to jazz.

Flash forward to the present, meeting and spending this night with my friend resurfaced memories of those times and the nights where I suppressed the habit of watching TV, or playing video games but rather indulged in jazz music. I am wondering if I should watch La La Land and if I would be seduced by Jazz for a second time. Although the film is set in modern times, this movie’s protagonist is a passionate jazz musician, played by Ryan gosling. And speaking of Ryan Gosling, my friend nick named my current crush (blued eyed kitty) as ryan gosling (for whatever reasons lol)

Imagine meeting this boy at “roaring twenties” theme party. The venue is stunning – crystal chandeliers, feather accents, and touches of art deco patterns on every surface. And he walks in and meanders through the crowd and asks you to dance, but you tell him you don’t know the steps; he says it doesn’t matter. You spend the rest of the night bonding over jazz, and spectacularly failed dance moves.

also as an update on my life, i have been trying to write some poems about my crush again, and so far, they are all ending with “we are two big idiots”. so i think it’s going REALLY WELL !!