hello world ! april has arrived with aries moon and placid winter. not a lot happened since i blogged last time and also, a lot happened since i blogged last time. we had another snow blizzard the other day and this time we didnāt have a power outage but i was ready with all candles and stuff. it snowed a bit weirdly and i took off from work expecting worst but it snowed in a slow motion and by 9:30 in the a.m. that day, i was kind of wondering if i made the right decision of staying home, when it started snowing. it was fantastic to look at as it looked like as though god was printing snow on a 3d printer. it fell layer by layer, gently and softly and i was fascinated with it. i sat glued to my window and watched chugging coffee after coffee. i was like alice in winter wonderland and of course, complete with my 21 beautiful cheshire cats. the snow melted off quickly the next day.
slowly but surely books are becoming an important accessory for my outfitsā¦ instead of thinking about what blouse or top i should wear, i catch myself thinking what book should i bring with me on train as i have this habit of reading three or more books at the same time and yes, somedays i confuse myself but itās fun this wayā¦ currently iām reading book thief, vicious and if we were villains in case you were wonderingā¦
iām thinking of reading the book āthe terrorā by dan simmons as well as recently amc channel started airing a tv series and it may be classified under historical fiction, fantastic or horror, adventure but whatever it is shelved under, it should be a great read because itās a story about madness, about men caught up in a mad, self absorbing, cycle of horror and fear. and the tv series is promising and i was looking at the ice logged ships and i almost got claustrophobic and mildly panickyā¦ š
i stayed home since thursday as it was very slow at work and my time was better spent at homeā¦ i made plans for my garden and ordering bulbs and seeds and other essentials to transform my garden into an enchanted floral gardenā¦. i am designing a mĆ©lange of french and english garden. and may be here, i should sing praises of doug, who runs errands for me and he is such a sweet heart and so innocent and always quotes me like insignificant amount for a project, i end up doubling his pay as he does amazing job. i referred him to jack as well and jack also ended up paying him more than doug quotedā¦. seriously, this kid does a fantastic job and i donāt like to under pay him or take advantage of his naĆÆvetĆ©ā¦ any way, this garden project got me chuffed properly.
i love the smell of change in the air as the season is changing and i smell the earth and little buds of hungry green leaves are poking their itty bitty heads outā¦ i felt sorry for the little ones as the weather seemed utterly batshit crazy and a month ago we had almost spring weather and all the little plants started hurriedly coming out when the weather turned cold and snubbed them back into the ground. and of course, weather will have to give in and make way for spring and i am eagerly waiting to bask in the magic of spring as everything becomes new and a new life begins.
friday morning there was so much fog and sandalwood and i hurriedly put our shoes on and ventured out in to the dark and mysterious labyrinthine mists of early morning fog at 5 in the morning to enjoy the bite of crisp air and we got soaked in the mistsā¦ we sat out having coffee and breakfast and it was amazing to have le petit dejuner a lāair frais and we had toast with mascarpone and i wished we had some fruit paste to go with mascaroponeā¦.
our relationship is slowly growing and we have now come to holding hands with no reason and at all times and sleeping in the same bed and spooning. i love falling asleep in his arms, molding my body into the concave hollow of his body and resting my head into the crook of his neckā¦ he keeps whispering into my hair that he will protect me.
i think he is the purest person i know (well after my boys julien and jace). he is kind and honest and will do anything to make me feel loved because he canāt put his feelings into words. he plays his guitar and sings in silly voices and makes stupid impressions to make me laugh and i laugh so muchā¦Ā i simply adore him.
the other day we were getting gas somewhere in a remotest part and there was this turtles song āhappy togetherā came on and we started mildly dancing to it and we kissed, not passionately but rather like a hello and let our lips converse a bit.
on the domestic front, iāve taken up making vegetable pottage as i realized that i am not eating all the veggies i should be eating and made a potful last weekend and will again this sunday. i almost killed sandalwood though as i forgot white people canāt eat hot stuff. and to be honest, i donāt eat that much of heat as my fellow indians do, because i went off that a long time ago as my lovers were not spice eaters and most indians keep telling me that india should divorce me as i donāt eat spicy stuff anymore. i also packed lunch of the same (having made a lot, i ate for days) and kept offering to people at my work forgetting the spicy nature of my pottage and thus probably would have made them ill; anyway, he couldnāt handle any spice at all so i hurriedly boiled him a potatoā¦ i kid you not !
i probably will teach him slowly to eat things of spicy nature. i started to cook again and i am happy. i am planning to slowly convert him to be vegetarian, but for now i am pampering him with gourmet food and this morning i made a rich breakfast of omelette with chicken livers and mushroom stuffing.
i started volunteering at an animal shelter and some days i go there before i go to work. my lungs feel ok for now and i recently started drenching myself in perfume to get my body used to allergens and chemicals as if to reteach my body to stop reacting. donāt know if that would work but i have to take a chance. as the weather is changing, more allergens are in the air and some days i feel as though i can drown inside my head because of the fluid.
i feel so loved these days and i am exhausted just because of this affection. my kids are healthy and enjoying the weather and i am super blissful. sandalwood and i take walks and hikes and we are planning to attend the cherry blossom festivals in april both in washington dc and in new york.
people make an effort, you know, to let me know that iām lovedā¦
like when my boss said to me ācome here and teach me how to be niceā as she was about to talk to someone she canāt standā¦.. made me smile so much !
like when this coop girl who left recently and with who i bonded, secretly texted me saying we have to take a photo as we didnāt and that she would want to have a photo with me to remember the good times we sharedā¦
like when sandalwood texts me and says he misses me five minutes after he said goodbyeā¦
like when i walk in to my home, my kids come running to me and hug me with a biggest smile.. (iām sure cats smile)
i know this may seem normal to some of you, but iāve been so parched for affection for a long time and this feels like a healing rain. i feel somedays that my mind has mountainsā¦ you know, the tall unsurpassable ones with jagged cliffs and of course, i do have obstacles and things which i need to sort out. and you know what ? things start looking differently because of a small change in your life. it could be just a small event, but that causes your perspective to change. and just like that, i started looking at things differently and iām less fearful and less anxious and became stronger. isnāt it just amazing ? and all of a sudden i wanted to live and not just exist and i love my life and itās just so wonderfulā¦ to be alive in moments like this.
i love sharing many stories and singing along to trashy music and warmth of the car heater in comparison to chill of the winter air against my skin and the click of my heels on the pavement and hugging old friends and catching up with boy and making far too many blowjob jokes and about me being on my knees and sharing my dinner with a lovely boy i barely know and falling into people and feeling eyes on me as i swayed to the music.
i sit with my friends and sometimes strangers and i share stories and what makes them smile and what makes them tickā¦ andĀ i am consistently thankful that i have these opportunities where i meet strangers from across the country, share some stories over tea and remember how many beautiful people carry sparks of passion with them & reignite ancient memories wherever they go.
my eyes shimmer with memories and tears and nostalgiaā¦ ancient hearts and tricks up my sleevesā¦ iām bursting !
soft delusions 