feminism

sex, football & page 3

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

hello world ! it’s raining again and at least for now, the humidity is at bay. my kids keep giving me dirty glances as they think somehow i‘m making the rain – my kids love to go out and frolic and all of last week, i made them stay indoors because of the humidity and especially because i wasn’t home to bring them in at regular intervals and i can’t afford to leave the windows open while the air conditioning is still going and i can’t afford shutting off the ac because it was unbearable and one of my kids has asthma. last year, sonu my baby kitty went out on a scorchingly hot and humidity day, and he got short of breath due to allergic reaction and i immediately got him inside. i arranged some storage boxes in front of a floor fan to the same height and perched my kitty on the top box to cool down with the breeze and stroked his back to relax him as when cats (or anyone for that matter are short of breath, brain kicks in the panic attack mechanism) get panicky and asthma attack starts… and being a clever kitty that he is, now a days, whenever he goes out in hot / humid days and feels short of breath, he immediately comes in and marches straight to the fan and relaxes on the top of the box till he feels better.

if you’re always running towards the next moment, what happens to the one you’re in ? i believe time is a gift and i must slow the fuck down and enjoy each and every god given moment. it’s getting incredibly difficult to stop and enjoy my life as i seem to be shopping for my food and my kids’ food every other day and i am not sure how to rectify this problem and this is pissing me off in general. i don’t like to do online food delivery.

speaking of food, i am doing changes again to my nutritional intake. currently i

football season is here again and i found out i can’t watch patriots play on regular cable unless i subscribe “nfl sunday ticket” and that wasn’t offered on my regular cable subscription so i went and got myself directv now which gives me the nfl sunday ticket and after spending $500(not including my regular internet and cable charges and this amount is spread out over four months), now i can watch my boys patriots play every single game and the dollars are so totally worth it to watch in the comfort of my home and of course, pant-less in my underwear. and it also allows us (me & sandalwood) to have impromptu sex as and when our foreplay gets us too wet and too aroused to stop and not have sex. the other day, we were having out of this world sex and i fell off the bed, and he didn’t stop fucking, while yelling “five second rule” and it made me laugh so much; the next day i couldn’t walk properly as my bum hurt because of the fall and i slightly limped around. and yes nfl sunday ticket subscription is totally worth it to watch live games, and especially watching patriots’ magnificence in the way they play and i am writing this while watching them play and they are already up by 21 points.

my education in american football continues and here are some notes so far from someone who doesn’t understand how this game works …

  1. i may choose to flip to other networks (or clean the bathroom) ’cause sometimes the pauses are too long
  2. tom brady, tho i respect him, and i think he is the superman of the football version, is nowhere as cute as women make him out to be.
  3. may induce me to do random pterodactyl screeches
  4. run ! run ! run ! huge pileup on a dude with ball

page 3 : so after all before i die, i get to see a beauty pageant where women don’t need to strut around in skimpy, itty, bitty bikinis and high heels…. beauty pageants are idiotic, which not only demeaning to women, but also objectify them and disrespectful in general, and probably the contestants don’t have seven brain cells amongst them all put together….. i know this “not parading women in bikinis” may be a shortlived stuff, because most women are insecure and they don’t have self-respect and they measure their worth in terms of their appearance and the endorsement of the same from men, which is really sad; so i can foresee all these “liberal” women in the name of equality want to become objects for men to comment and america is really superficial for a developed country with typical male foolishness and women’s lack of self-respect; i almost get into fights at cosmetics counters when poor, idiotic sales women say something stupid like, “he would really like you in this …. xyz” and when did this notion became predominant that equality means shedding clothes and to parade around in almost no clothes whatsoever  ! and yes, i realize that even india is walking in the same path but then again india is no different from any other country and there were only a handful of women like me who really have any brains or balls to not give a fuck about what people think ! i probably watched one pageant so far in my life and i thought it was like selling a horse or a cow ! you know, how they look at the teeth and the flank and how they strut, etc. there must be something wrong with women who would want to to do this and to have their worth determined by someone else. and also, more than this, i abhor child beauty pageants with a passion and i am appalled that there is no law to prevent this. little girls almost behaving like adults and mimicking the behavior of what they see on tv; somedays i grind my teeth when i see the way young girls dress (during my commute or on the roads); i can’t understand how parents can send their daughters out like that. yes, yes, i know that we have different standards for boys and girls and i would fight for equality but until the world is “equal” and men are pigs, so i would protect my daughter at all costs and i would teach my son to respect girls (and women)…. ! till the boys learn to respect, i would teach my daughter to first respect herself and then kick the boys in their balls to teach them the way to respect her….  i usually walk around with an expression on my face “next time you whistle at me, i will break your teeth” – well, enough rant for the night and the feminist me is quite pleased for now…..

oh just an fyi, page 3 is a term synonymous with bare-breast women in that the uk tabloid sun used to publish women with bare breasts.

and oh, patriots won but they made three crucial mistakes which pissed me off as i want them to improve their game as their opponents are getting better (as they will) – but all in all, a great start for my team. also, i must give kudos to cleveland browns for tying the game (after lagging behind most of the time)

et bonne nuit !

news, goals & general rant

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

sitting on the edge of the bed and contemplating on life in general and all the corners we turn and rough roads we travel on. all happy families are happy alike and unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique way (i’m quoting it from the book “the dinner” which is my current read) i’m a feminist and would love to castrate all men and then i remember the pleasure of sex and the need for a penis. toys, including the most expensive ones, are a great let down. and i have these urges which needed to seeing to on a regular basis. at the back of my mind, i know i should take up a lover soon as i need to fuck properly and as i said, sex toys are a huge let down. and i still think maybe we should castrate all dumb people including females.

coming back to the point, was at my vet’s today and the guy there, was moping about and i asked him what’s wrong and he told me he can’t see his daughter this christmas as his ex put a restriction order or something on him citing sexual abuse just because his 9 year old wrote a letter to a boy in her class saying she may be pregnant. now this guy is a general, all american jackass who preens around like he is a god’s gift to women folk and most of the time, i feel like slapping him, but i have seen him with his daughter and he ain’t the type and i would have hard time believing it. whenever i was at the vet’s, i saw him seating little alicia in front of one of the computer for her to play games, with a candy or a juice box and this blonde kid and i would chat about various things as she keeps playing her games on the computer. the world has gone rogue and it’s a good thing i don’t have kids as i would have been a nervous wreck or a she-hulk squishing anyone and everyone who dares to look at my babies. all this because of the evilness of humans.  as i said, i am a feminist and i am all for women’s rights and all that jazzy stuff, but now a days things have gone too far in the name of rights, civil or otherwise, whether it’s race issues or sexual harassment or what not. which completely nauseates me. everybody giggles over and over again when racial slurs or sexual harassment happen on movies, or tv but in reality, this is life imitating after such shows ! anyway, there’s a huge rant brewing up on all this goddamn #metoo movement and i have this urge to slap someone and i am not sure who i should slap.

this month was extraordinary in which i branded myself unlovable and closed my heart to my boy and shut my goddamn blog down, but then i forgot that i have approx. 25k followers on one of the social media and that they love reading my stuff; i was inundated with emails asking for permission, and needless to say i made my blog public again as it became a painful chore and i’m a lazy person to begin with.

my company had a huge holiday party & i was there to take care of stuff and i had no intention of mingling or chatting or networking with people, but i was introduced to this one executive by sheer chance and he and i said some amicable things and all of sudden it became an opportunity to grow within the company and i immediately designated him (and i told him as well) as my mentor no. 2 and he advised me to take some courses and he asked me to give him my resume so he can forward to the right parties. i related this to my mentor, tim, and he and i started outlining my courses. i told him that i would like to do another degree but refuse to put in 180 credits (for a bs) and he said i would like to see you try….. lol  but for me it seems such a waste because i have two masters already along with two bachelors and in four majors.

and then tim & i got into this huge episode involving persimmons thesis and an exploding hachiya in my purse as i love over ripe hachiyas.

there’s a little writing board in my cubicle and tim wrote, “it’s all our fault”. since day one, he kept telling me this and it’s like a private joke between us. last week my boss told me that as a feedback, she was told that i take things personal and get offended and it kind of took me by surprise and my temper rose and i became evil for an instant but i told her that their perception may be correct and probably depends on the context and that she should only pay attention to what tim says about me and no one else because frankly speaking, everyone else can go and fuck themselves and i could care less about what others think of me and that it only matters to me what she and tim think of me. after all, i have dealt with most powerful men in my life and gained their respect. but we put off this conversation for a future day in january, 2018 when we go out to eat where i will dissect out the department in detail as she wants my feedback.

i have taken detours and side steps to avoid terry, but ended up on his office door step and he looked like a lamb or a deer with his eyes caught in the headlights and he chatted about christmas and what i believe and i really don’t mind him asking me about my values or my life but general manners dictate i should ask him the same, but i really don’t want to know about his life as it makes me feel empty and broken all over again. i mean, what is the point, i can’t share his life & personally i think he should get married, so i can move on as married men are off limits & what is he waiting for any way ? goddamn ! it gave me a huge pleasure to tell him “freddie krueger” delivers the presents under the christmas tree when he said (and god i hope he was joking) he believes in santa or else who delivers his presents ? and i can tell he wasn’t expecting me to say that. haha !

things are getting to normal for me again and i’m relatively ok. have cut my arms and walked around with full sleeves to hide the scars. and the rest of the year, i have taken off so i can selfcare and catch up with myself and say hello to myself and see how i’m doing.

i reset and revisited my goals. i’m looking forward to become healthy and get my ballet body back and my regular gym visits are already showing results and my boobs are perky even without the bra and i am running around with no bra now a days and my midsection is actually melting (thank heavens i won’t die as a half a cow) as i usually look like a beached whale because of my steroids and if i don’t put in time at the gym.

goal 2 would be to gain knowledge in finance and master the same and pave way towards my new career.

goal 3 would be to clear out my house of all things which remind me of my past.

goal 4 and this is the hard one. for a while now, i wanted to write two letters and i haven’t so far. one to my son who i lost. christian who jace and i conceived. and the other letter to the child julien and i dreamed of having and the baby girl whose name julien picked out. noélie. julien and i never conceived a child. but i kept going back to her name. i feel like it is important somehow. it keeps popping up in my mind at random times of the day. i feel like i need to tell you (terry) this. but why bring that up when it’s not important ? when it makes no difference ? we aren’t a we. but in the back of my mind, there they are. always.

optional goal would be to find a french lover or two or three and why not ? lol

bonne nuit à tous !