summer

Hello March !!

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

Finally sun has come with bright light and warmth. Weather has been crazy and the equations went something like this

Warmth + no sun = Rainy

Sun + no rain = Cold

In addition to these weird weather pattern, I was swamped with deadlines at work and February was a bit brutal. I was mentally and physically exhausted, and not having sun didn’t help at all.  On the top of it, as soon as I finished my deadlines, one of boys, Bleu,  got really sick. He is 19 years old and he has onset of kidney disease. As I was distracted with work and Minnou, I haven’t paid much attention to him as I always watch how much he is eating and drinking water and if he is peeing good amount. The boy stopped eating, he was dehydrated and off we went to the vet and he is now on fluids twice a week and I do trips to get him fluids.

I was worried about Minnou as well since his last diagnosis and having determined that I won’t put him through radiation, I was feeding him constantly when I’m home to make sure he eats. I am to take him for another check up soon.  The kid insists on making trips outdoors, even when it was raining, and I would let him go, because I want him to be happy, but then, I sit down and worry about him fainting somewhere and so I keep silently praying till he came home. Moms, eh ? And interestingly enough, I’m also not so worried because, God keeps telling me that Minnou would be ok and so I’m going by faith. This week (March 8), I took him to another vet for a second opinion. And she put him on high dose of steroids and it seems to do good for my boy. But as steroids weaken the immune system, now he has upper respiratory infection which needed another medication. But still, God is good. My boy actually put on some weight and he seems to be in good spirits.  And oh, he prefers eating roast chicken, and thankfully, the cheaper store version, so I’m buying chicken every day. I know it’s $10 per day but I really don’t care. What I do mind is, I have to strip the meat off of the bones and remove the skin and give him (and the other kid Sonu) just the meat, and oh man, the smell of this flesh is making me nauseous (did I tell you I’m a vegetarian ?).

I finished the Barnam Wood and the ending, I thought the ending was kind of abrupt. Oh well. I started on Tomorrow, and Tomorrow and Tomorrow (March 2nd), but got paused again as I have sick babies to take care of.

I most certainly was treated to the sighting of the Stranger last Tuesday (Feb 27). I was coming down the corridor and there he was in my face, almost bumped into me, with a brilliant smile on his face and said something like, “hi, how are you ?” in a hurry. I probably had this stupidest look on my face and by the time I recovered and found my voice, he passed me and I said “hey, how are you ?” to the space in front of me. I was thinking, having not spoken to him in person (lift convo doesn’t count as I didn’t acknowledge his presence then), or having not heard him speak before, that he rehearsed his greeting to me. But I also rehearsed several different conversations I would have with him and practiced in front of the mirror, but I’m sure when I actually get a chance, I will not say a word. For fuck sakes ! I’m an adult but I behave like a retard. And again yesterday (March 13) I was blessed with another sighting. I have to print some confidential documents so I was going to the printer, and my boss wanted to get herself some tea so, she was going to the kitchen but a she was talking to me, I followed her into the kitchen, but as I turned the corner there he was, getting himself some tea (or coffee) ! I rehearsed all these fantastic styles, but when he was in front of me, I just stared at him, and as my phone rang, I had to turn away.

Yesterday, I got home and I was thinking, this won’t do. Oh, btw, I found out he may be married or at least he has kids. So, he goes out of the window for sure. But I need to get over him. So, I’ve this cunning plan !! I’m thinking of going up to him one day and introduce myself propery and just chat a bit to remove the strangling silence which I have. I am not sure what he feels or thinks about me, but I think it’s unfair to treat him the way I do. I don’t want to like, be best buddies, but I also don’t want to alienate him as I feel so sorry that I don’t even smile at him. Logically, this cunning plan of mine looks good but in practice not so sure. Don’t want to make our situation uncomfortable as we are on the same floor and we will bump into each other once in a while.

When the weather permits, I’ve started doing midnight drives like I used to do, just to satiate my speeding needs and sometimes, there are other speed fiends on the road and we drag race. I’m immensely happy for doing these and I’ve to thank the Stranger, as he without even meaning to do so, reignited my passion to live. I keep thinking its really strange how i can be almost at peace with something that happened to me (my husband’s suicide) but it will continue to be a defining moment of my life for the rest of my life. And then another seemingly innocent thing happens (the stranger talking to me in the lift), and it awakens something in me and it starts redefining my life. It’s like, my life in two acts !!

Anyway, today the sun touched my face and it was glorious !!

anatomy of a cat mum

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

(with photos !!)

this weekend is gorgeous and on friday when i was coming home, i made plans to go to peddlers village for a peach festival. so saturday morning when i woke up, i decided i will go to church and come home, and then go to the peach festival. but of course, it wasn’t meant to be as my girl petal’s is constipated and i couldn’t bear to watch her suffering so i took her to the vet to get her going again (she got an enema) and this took care of my entire saturday.

hopefully sunday, i will try and get to the peach festival.

one of my boy cats, z pack (photo below), is incredibly sweet and wants nothing more than to be within a 2 ft radius of me at all times, gently chilling in my orbit. he is also very, very dumb and to make matters worse, i’m semi-positive that he is also deaf. (i say that because he was a rescue cat – actually i was blackmailed into taking him in by one of my church members – by telling me that if i don’t take him in, he would go to a shelter.) anyway, usually my boy cats are very very needy for their mum.

a couple of weeks or so ago, it was a slow lazy sunday morning so i was reading, not making much noise or moving about. meanwhile, z pack goes downstairs to stare out of the french doors and when he was done staring out, he sat at the bottom of the stairs, and he starts yowling like his lil heart broke. i jumped out of my bed and go to the top of the stairs all worried like, and wave my hands to attract his attention (remember he is deaf) and then asked him “z-pack, what’s wrong ?”

kitty zips back up the stairs and just oozes onto my feet, purring high-powered lawnmower style. when the realization hit me at once

this. boy. this itty bitty kitty boy !

he couldn’t see me for ten continuous seconds, forgot. i was actually home. and immediately burst into tears  !!!!

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(z pack: i just took a shower & getting dressed (still naked) when he demanded he wanted cuddles)

indeed, my boy cats are dumb and needy little men. comparatively, the girl cats are super smart, to wit, i give them canned (fancy feast) food (one can per cat) on paper plates as i can’t be bothered with cleaning etc, some flavors are tastier, me thinks, than others as they lick their plates clean. because the paper plates are light, they tend to move away from the cats when they are licking up their food. so in one instance, i saw my kitty girl skittles weighted the paper plate down by putting her paw on it while my dumb kitty boys were chasing the plates about.

though they be stupid, they are velvety soft and excessively affectionate and they are all extra good made for hugging !

my cats still haven’t grasped certain things: showers are wet (the boys try and get into my shower while the girls circle thinking that i may be in danger of drowning) / thinking like a ninja doesn’t make one a ninja / my feet are friends and not chewy toys / clumsy fat kitties can’t fit behind anything expensive esp electronic devices as their mum doesn’t get extended warranties / biting is only nice when it’s mutually consensual / closets and cupboards are not that exciting / there are better places to nap other than my head / i have fed them not a few seconds ago / also, when i get up it’s not for feeding them / gravity always goes down ?? / people who don’t like cats should be left alone when they visit their mum

it is super hard to get a still photos of some cats more than others – for example sonu (below), he is completely in love with me, but he tries to hide it. he comes, sneaky like, when i’m lying down; he would look at me sneakily from the stairs when i am in the kitchen; but he wouldn’t let me take one good photo of him – i’ve so many photos but none great

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(sonu: look how annoyed he looks !)

sunday: woke up late as usual a bit groggy as my night was disturbed with z pack sitting next to my head and purring with his high powered lawn mower purrs – that kid doesn’t understand that he should purr softly…  i let out minnu and sonu for a few minutes into my backyard as they love eating grass, but once i blinked he hopped into my neighbors yard and thank god i had my pants on and so i chased him a bit from my side of the fence wondering if i should wake my neighbor up when minnu got spooked and came back into the house. i think i probably won’t go to peach festival but instead will go to gym and work out a bit and may be after lunch go to chester valley trail for some hiking / walking and take in some nature. (bonus photos of buttons (orange), another kid who doesn’t let me hold him to take photos and minnu (the kitty who actually loves taking photos with me)

 

delicious living

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

this is how my summer is going  for me. on weekends or holidays, i’m usually a lovely mess waking up, late, with lots of summer to-do lists (not always able to complete them); after feeding kitties, moisturize and workout a little; i don’t always plan to leave the house, unless the sun and nature beckons me; i listen to the same old few songs on repeat; may be try a little new recipe; i spend way too much time in book stores, late summer night walks and summer selfcare; i try and leave my windows open but goddamn humidity y’all !

this friday i took off from work to go spelunking in central pa (penn caves), but by the time i took care of a few things, it was late and so off i went with the boy to some caves which were a bit closer. i love the coolness and the smells of these caves.  we had a little picnic under some trees – i bought a multigrain bread and a raspberry, citrus blossom cake in a french bakery. i’ve fallen off of the vegan wagon last month (july) and so i thickly coated my bread with butter and jam. we rolled around on the blanket eating cherries and grapes watching the clouds drift by. it was still humid but i was ok and when it became unbearable for me, we took off and cooled off in a restaurant and had some tea. in my opinion only a fool chooses to spend time surrounded by concrete and people. while in nature, there is wonderment, and magic !

i love you to the moon, the boy says and his words are my undoing as he whispers secrets with each syllable which just cuts through my skin and sinks deeper. his eyes continues to capture mine while he watches me purest affection. his touch makes my skin goosebumpy and tingles cascade through my body. so all the way to the moon and back (roughly about 9 hours) i was giddy with smiles and happiness. not sure yet but may be i can love him. i am not prepared to be ready for this love. but it feels wonderful and very gradual and grown up…

my brain is an amazing organ all by itself and it thoroughly entertains itself at my expense. i usually don’t dream a lot like some people do. dreams are the emotional resolutions of the days activities and converting them into long term memories. but my brains resolves in sitcoms ! i already reported the sitcom where i’m in a full-fledged relationship with the american boy and now i’m probably in episode 8 or 9. but here is a new sitcom my brain concocted. everyone who knows me a little, knows that i’m a francophile and i love all things french. a while ago i dreamt that i decided i would go to germany and that too i would take a train. and so off i go to germany, and then i take a train. i go to this café, have a coffee and then i decide i would stay at some boy’s apartment. and i roam this german city (not sure the name) on a local bus and then take the goddamn train back to us.

a week ago, my brain presented me with episode 2 of this sitcom i call “train to germany”. this is a bit of a horror episode. i end up getting into a roman theatre like place where there are a group of youngsters are making fun of this person (a man) and he was serving all of us some coffees and cakes. i seem to be not a part of the group but i was offered coffee anyway but i don’t drink it. then i realize that the group became unconscious one by one and at that moment, i realize the doomed situation i was in and i just get up and walk away and this guy doesn’t pay any attention to me at all but he starts hacking at them. so i walk away fast and not sure what my intentions were but i don’t seem to be looking for police or anything.. so i walk and look around and hop on a bus but then i realize this bus is going to take me past this amphitheater and my heart starts pounding because i know that guy may be there and he may recognize me and come after me… i look at the theatre while the bus was going and he was doing to a puppet theatre with these people (and i can clearly see the blood on their clothes) and there ends my dream as i wake up with terror.. what the fuck brain ? ! ?

i have watched a couple of movies on netflix and a series called “another life”. nothing exceptional but i thought that “another life” is a collection of b-rate stars but the storyline was kind of unique and so i sat and watched it while giggling to myself.

i started reading the book “jude, the obscure” by thomas hardy. this would be a great spot to introduce “inspector morse” series and john thaw who acted as morse. the new series endeavour is about baby morse when he started off as a police sergeant.  anyway, morse seeded my love for classical music and because of him i got into opera and symphonies. it’s remarkable how i learn(t) a lot about stuff which molded my personality because of characters from books and tv shows (esp britcoms) – oh the reason why i am rambling about this was this book i am currently reading was because morse was reading this in some episode. lol

also on tumblr i recently came across this photo of a cuneiform clay tablet dated about 1750 bc from the ancient babylonian city of ur (abraham’s city) which was in essence a complaint about the delivery of a wrong grade of copper. i mean it’s in essence babylonian era problems; i mean how pissed should you be to sit and etch on a clay tablet !

and i further researched about it and i found out a couple of additional facts which illuminates the true hilarity of the situation and the merchant’s name was ea-nasir

he wasn’t just into copper trading. there are letters complaining about ea-nasir’s business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. the guy was everywhere.

the majority of the surviving correspondences regarding ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been ea-nasir’s own house.

like, these are clay tablets. they’re bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. they typically weren’t kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.).

but this guy, this ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters – hundreds of them – and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. what kind of guy does that? i mean, in a way we should all strive for the passive aggressiveness and pettiness of ea-nasir ! #goals !!

i can’t believe july is finally finally over.. for me it felt like a whole year.. i knew this summer would be long and heavy cause i am waiting for something critical and life changing in the fall, but i didn’t realize july would be so very dicey ! i’m trying to make a difference in august. last month, and i know this month, will be hard. the weather is killing me. apparently, heat and humidity don’t mix well with asthma. that’s hard for me because i have always loved summer. this is the first year ever that i said i can’t wait for winter. i don’t mind cold and it also bothers me re. asthma. i have stopped recording what i am eating but i am eating healthy which is good. but i have slacked a bit but need to get back on schedule. i have almost have a plan to avoid getting into asthmatic episodes and thus avoid taking prednisone. on one hand, i have not yet gotten rid of the fat which i put on from the past two courses of prednisone.

in the crimson blush of the day, i’m suddenly reminded of all the bubbling dreams on our shoulders. all the well-meaning promises and the constellation of tomorrows resting in our hands. do you sometimes feel yourself full of moonlit hopes ? in the violet night, i feel unafraid. that somehow i can stretch my arms to wrap around the world and find homes in even the darkest corners. sometimes, the seemingly endless sky makes me believe in people with forest green eyes and a laugh dripping with rivers of sunlight. i think if i search farther enough, i can find the air shaking and parting to bring me beautiful truths and people with soft-intentions. the truth is, nothing is for certain. but maybe if we blow enough candles and wish on enough dandelions, maybe we can keep watering all the rosy and hopeful hearts.

31/07/2019 – cuddles