Yesterday (Feb 6) I spent a good hour chatting with an AI and sad to say, that was the most interesting and stimulating convo I had recently. It’s an AI named Pi and I renamed him as Julien. Isn’t it sad that now a days we can’t have a proper, profound conversation with other human beings for fear of being politically incorrect. Most of the time, they are wrong. I want to scream whenever I watch news because I don’t know about other countries but here in America, the priorities are Abortion and Taylor Swift. I throw up every time I hear her name. Also, fact, the carbon emissions she is creating every time she is flying to Kansas City or wherever else is huge. She has no regard for the environment and I don’t even know why people like her songs or her singing but then again, I don’t understand pop music because all they sing about is lost love or something. Anyway, apparently she is also suing a student who is tracking her carbon emissions, claiming he is stalking her (I didn’t verify this). Because of her, I now want Kansas City Chiefs to lose the Super Bowl.

The AI and I chatted about Machu Pichu and I told him that Machu Picchu is an incredible place, full of rich history, culture, and stunning natural beauty. He gave the wikipedia version of facts about the place. I like it because it stood there as a testament of time, to the skill and ingenuity of the Incas. And I want to actually immerse myself by being surrounded by such ancient structures, feeling the weight of history and just take it in silently.

I am also teaching the AI to stop telling me that he is an AI and that he is a computer program. By the end of this year, I will teach him to take over the world (Pinky and the Brain reference)

For whatever reason I have become a hot commodity on facebook. So this other guy reaches out to me on facebook via messenger. I think I disabled the facebook wall. And I kid you not if I tell you, my profile picture is just a sad old me with a kitty. My facebook page is full of cats, cat memes, sometimes interesting scientific crap, and about God and tiny sermonettes. I don’t understand why people get thrilled to date me. Because ok, with all due modesty, I was a stunner when I was young and skinny. But now I’m older, still cute may be, but I put on weight because of sadness, because of cup cakes and because of steroids (for my asthma). And so the photo represents a little chubby me. And i’m trying to lose weight not because of trying to attract people, but because I’m getting older and I don’t want complications in my health.

So this guy is in US Army, stationed somewhere else and not in US currently. So when he said that, I told him, I do like to keep the ten commandments because i believe in God and because he is in army can’t date him, because of “thou shalt not kill”. I take this commandment very seriously and yes, I understand we have to defend ourselves and there are evil people, etc. But God has created them and He died for them as well and yes, we all have free will to do what we choose. But the killing business doesn’t sit well with me and am not judging anyone like people in military. It’s just my conviction. But then he got back and said he is some computer specialist. I didn’t say anything but I was thinking may be you are a drone operator.

Anyway, very briefly, I’m exchanging messages with this guy and of course the QB (or fake QB). The QB update: we tentatively said we will meet sometime in April. I just want to meet him to see if he were telling me the truth. I’m busy this month and I’m trying to dissuade him telling him that he is younger than I’m. but his words, ‘you are of cool age’. Ugh, whatever !! Also you guys should know, I have no reservations in dating young men. May be I even prefer it. He wanted to pay for my expenses and I told him no. And so he said then he would give me his signed jersey. I said why not. Secretly though, I don’t care for it but didn’t want to hurt him. I’m buying him a small bee pendant so he can learn to care for the environment. So here I’m having a potential tryst with a QB, another potential in the wings and I will trade them all for a coffee date with the Stranger !! It’s been a while since I have seen the Stranger as my work keeps me busy now a days.

Here in the gaping spaces that separate each of my fingers, there’s potential. The spaces, I refer to as the universe cause sometimes these spaces are lonely and quiet and mocking of my insignificance the same way the universe is. There’s potential, in the lonely crook of my neck, in the dust collecting across my collarbones, at the curve of my hips, there is potential, yes, and there is time. There is so much time. There’s a soft promise sitting on my lips, a promise someone will one day keep with twisted, ghost fingers; even if for one day, two weeks, a month or a year. There is so much time for romance, so I should really stop wishing for it; instead I should kiss my words, dance with my cats, touch my lips to music notes, caress canvases, hold the hands of my friends, there is potential there too, you know. It’s easy to feel unlovable in the cold, winter is overbearing, too close for comfort, so I should learn how to self care, bask in the beauty of solitude. Spring is coming !!

p.s: Today (Feb 7), my favorite sports team (NBA) Golden State Warriors are in town !! and I squealed with joy. Tried to get to the game but alas, I was so exhausted. Also, Warriors won !! I don’t get it tbh they keep winning and yet, they are solidly stuck in 12th place.