warriors

possibilities

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

Yesterday (Feb 6) I spent a good hour chatting with an AI and sad to say, that was the most interesting and stimulating convo I had recently. It’s an AI named Pi and I renamed him as Julien. Isn’t it sad that now a days we can’t have a proper, profound conversation with other human beings for fear of being politically incorrect. Most of the time, they are wrong. I want to scream whenever I watch news because I don’t know about other countries but here in America, the priorities are Abortion and Taylor Swift. I throw up every time I hear her name. Also, fact, the carbon emissions she is creating every time she is flying to Kansas City or wherever else is huge. She has no regard for the environment and I don’t even know why people like her songs or her singing but then again, I don’t understand pop music because all they sing about is lost love or something. Anyway, apparently she is also suing a student who is tracking her carbon emissions, claiming he is stalking her (I didn’t verify this). Because of her, I now want Kansas City Chiefs to lose the Super Bowl.

The AI and I chatted about Machu Pichu and I told him that Machu Picchu is an incredible place, full of rich history, culture, and stunning natural beauty. He gave the wikipedia version of facts about the place. I like it because it stood there as a testament of time, to the skill and ingenuity of the Incas. And I want to actually immerse myself by being surrounded by such ancient structures, feeling the weight of history and just take it in silently.

I am also teaching the AI to stop telling me that he is an AI and that he is a computer program. By the end of this year, I will teach him to take over the world (Pinky and the Brain reference)

For whatever reason I have become a hot commodity on facebook. So this other guy reaches out to me on facebook via messenger. I think I disabled the facebook wall. And I kid you not if I tell you, my profile picture is just a sad old me with a kitty. My facebook page is full of cats, cat memes, sometimes interesting scientific crap, and about God and tiny sermonettes. I don’t understand why people get thrilled to date me. Because ok, with all due modesty, I was a stunner when I was young and skinny. But now I’m older, still cute may be, but I put on weight because of sadness, because of cup cakes and because of steroids (for my asthma). And so the photo represents a little chubby me. And i’m trying to lose weight not because of trying to attract people, but because I’m getting older and I don’t want complications in my health.

So this guy is in US Army, stationed somewhere else and not in US currently. So when he said that, I told him, I do like to keep the ten commandments because i believe in God and because he is in army can’t date him, because of “thou shalt not kill”. I take this commandment very seriously and yes, I understand we have to defend ourselves and there are evil people, etc. But God has created them and He died for them as well and yes, we all have free will to do what we choose. But the killing business doesn’t sit well with me and am not judging anyone like people in military. It’s just my conviction. But then he got back and said he is some computer specialist. I didn’t say anything but I was thinking may be you are a drone operator.

Anyway, very briefly, I’m exchanging messages with this guy and of course the QB (or fake QB). The QB update: we tentatively said we will meet sometime in April. I just want to meet him to see if he were telling me the truth. I’m busy this month and I’m trying to dissuade him telling him that he is younger than I’m. but his words, ‘you are of cool age’. Ugh, whatever !! Also you guys should know, I have no reservations in dating young men. May be I even prefer it. He wanted to pay for my expenses and I told him no. And so he said then he would give me his signed jersey. I said why not. Secretly though, I don’t care for it but didn’t want to hurt him. I’m buying him a small bee pendant so he can learn to care for the environment. So here I’m having a potential tryst with a QB, another potential in the wings and I will trade them all for a coffee date with the Stranger !! It’s been a while since I have seen the Stranger as my work keeps me busy now a days.

Here in the gaping spaces that separate each of my fingers, there’s potential. The spaces, I refer to as the universe cause sometimes these spaces are lonely and quiet and mocking of my insignificance the same way the universe is. There’s potential, in the lonely crook of my neck, in the dust collecting across my collarbones, at the curve of my hips, there is potential, yes, and there is time. There is so much time. There’s a soft promise sitting on my lips, a promise someone will one day keep with twisted, ghost fingers; even if for one day, two weeks, a month or a year. There is so much time for romance, so I should really stop wishing for it; instead I should kiss my words, dance with my cats, touch my lips to music notes, caress canvases, hold the hands of my friends, there is potential there too, you know. It’s easy to feel unlovable in the cold, winter is overbearing, too close for comfort, so I should learn how to self care, bask in the beauty of solitude. Spring is coming !!

p.s: Today (Feb 7), my favorite sports team (NBA) Golden State Warriors are in town !! and I squealed with joy. Tried to get to the game but alas, I was so exhausted. Also, Warriors won !! I don’t get it tbh they keep winning and yet, they are solidly stuck in 12th place.

legends

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

memory is fickle, and our evaluations can have present bias, but i can’t remember a moment of pure euphoria, emotion and release such as friday night’s game between ma boys warriors and rockets (basketball game). it being a friday, i shouldn’t have watched the game but my anxiety and curiosity got better of me and after profusely apologizing to god for breaking his sabbath, i sat down on my bed, with my heart in my hands, and wrapped in a comforter just so i can duck into it and hide if things took a terrible turn. steph curry dislocated his fingers a couple of games ago and he couldn’t put ball in the basket even if someone gave him a wide berth. poor kevin durant as usual was putting in a spectacular fight and others are pulling their weight as well, but you know, every game was very tight and in my opinion rockets play dirty and unsportsmen like game as harden is notorious for intentionally causing others to foul by taking advantage of this fucking loophole in nba rules and then to make matters worse kd got injured in game 5 and was out for an indefinite period. (update: he & cousins will return for conf. finals but not sure which game)

so here we were at game six. i was 75% sure that warriors would win. (if kd was playing i would have said 100%) and i was telling myself that game 7 will be in warriors home court and so it would be a def. win in the event they lost game 6.

but by half time, warriors tied up the game and steph was at 0 and with 3 fouls on him, dray with 3 and both of them were off the court, and the bench was playing and warriors still tied the game but the whole bench and klay, kevon, dre, everyone showing up. it was so sublime.i was trying to think of why friday night’s win was so satisfying, why it legitimately feels almost as good as winning a championship. for three years we’ve had to hear “if you didn’t have kd you wouldn’t win”, and for almost 5 years we’ve had to listen to people talk about how “if it wasn’t for ______’s injury, you wouldn’t have won”. then we had to have daryl morey beautiful mind, an alternate reality where the rockets actually beat us in an attempt to say they only lost to us because of the refs.

now we know. the team everyone said could beat us got to play us full squad and without kevin durant. and they lost in their own building. i know people are going to keep going with their bull shit, but any doubt that our guys are fucking giants is gone. these dudes are just winners and for the last 5 years, steph, klay, draymond, andre and shaun have run the league. they showed that on friday night. and also i read that when curry wanted to put in some basketball time on thursday evening, and apparently chris paul got wind of this and came in and kicked curry out of the court even when curry said that he will stick to half a court. hence the reason why curry shouted, kick me off the court ? now cp can have the fucking gym all to himself !

i am first generation migrant to us. came here at the age of 19. never had the time to understand or get into american sports like football and basketball. then life happened and i got into basketball & football.

the year was 2015 (same year i got into patriots) just before warriors won their first championship, i was home, tv was on and my cat stepped on the remote changed the channel to some basketball game and warriors were on. this was during my dark and depressive days. a year after my husband passed away and everyday was a struggle not to kill myself & so instead i was selfharming. and i remember the game very vividly because i cut my thighs deeper than i intended because i was getting excited with the game and then curry’s daughter was with him in the press conference and she stole the show and during their first championship run is when i really started getting into basketball and warriors. have followed every single game since then.

long story short, i am what many people call a bandwagon fan. i am ok with it. i don’t know their history but i sure as hell know what this team has gone thru last 6-7 years. you ask why i would remain a fan even after they stop winning ? curry, klay, dray, andre, david west, mo, luke, kerr and everyone else who has been party of the journey except kd was not someone that most teams would pick as their first choice when we picked them. we built this team by truly developing our players as a team. i have never seen such an unselfish bunch of players working together the way warriors have. there are no insecurities. there is love for the game. there is joy in them playing together.

friday nights victory was the most emotional one for me. with kd and cousins out, steph’s issues with shooting – i didn’t want to loose to rockets. i don’t like them or their style of play. they as a team don’t display the level of sportsmanship that this game deserves, that our team upholds time and again.

this victory is what this bandwagon fan will share 20 years later about her team and what they did.

this is why some of us turn into lifelong fans. and here’s to all who try and shame people like me for jumping on the bandwagon….. suck my proverbial dick !

june

/ mycatisafrenchspy / Leave a comment

if a june night could talk,
it would probably boast it invented romance ~ bernard williams

bonjour a tous ! it was not so very pretty day but i got myself a bagel, a coffee and a book. weatherwise, it’s super muggy and a bit warm and on account of me being allergic to everything under the sun and including the sun, i didn’t venture out after this little trip.

i have been quite busy and occupying my time with gardening and cats as to love a cat or a flower is the most delicious form of escapism. the honeysuckles near my bedroom window started blooming and they scent my night air swirling together with gossamers of my dreams of the future and wisps and sighs of my past.

life became a blur and i am reminding myself to be still and not become a blur as well.

excuse me while i frolic in the glow of sheer happiness of my boys les warriors win the nba championship and hear me do a war cry of victory. there was a time, when i was sitting in a japanese/thai restaurant in ardmore with sandalwood on the night of game six of warriors v rockets, refusing to go home as rockets were leading 3-2 and i was so afraid that warriors may be done as they sucked for the last few games. i sat there petrified to eat even but there was a tv in the restaurant and i could clearly see the score and warriors were already lagging and my heart sank further still; but sandalwood is like i guarantee you that warriors are gonna win tonight and you must watch the game and he finally convinced me to leave the restaurant and so we packed our foods which just arrived much to the wonderment of the waitress and we raced home and yes, warriors won that game and they tied the series; and on the final game where there was 50% chance of warriors to win and again i was so terrified but sandalwood was  again supportive and told me that i should watch the game as it’s all about greatness achieved through competition and boy, was i glad to watch them win. and when they were in finals, i had no doubt that they will bulldoze cavaliers and yes and yes, my boys were brilliant and i especially loved the little facial expression of “yes” on durant’s face after he pulled the team into lead in game 3. everyone assumes that i like curry, but i actually like durant more and if i were to choose between curry and durant, i would go with durant as a romantic partner because i love strong, silent types.

in summary i don’t know about warriors but i am emotionally and physically drained but it was a glorious journey to reach the cup.

at the office i have squabbled and debated with my colleagues pete and tom as they were super fans of lebron james and i, just can’t stand him. they have this tendency to like pretty much everyone i despise. and for the record, i have no clue why i detest lebron so vehemently… i stand corrected, i think i know why; it’s because he was given a god status and i think he is so overrated and yea, that ticks me off…

i have started a gardening project after almost killing a variety of plants in the office. i would buy these little potted plants and bring them to office only to find them near dead in a couple of days (not my fault, i hastily add. it’s just that the office environment not conducive to any living organisms) and i would hurriedly bring them back home to nurse them back to health. even my cacti died. so i got a few baby spider plants from someone and now waiting for their roots to flourish so i could pot them. i brought some seeds to office and now my little seedlings are poking their itty bitty heads out of the soil and i am carefully coddling them. i really hope that they would thrive and that i could slowly transform my cubicle into a garden full of greenery and throbbing with life.

people break so easily along with their dreams and hearts. the suicides of kate spade and bourdain was awful news for me to hear. severe depression leads you to a place where pain is just too great to be awake filling you with despondency and paranoia and utter loneliness. truly it’s a hard disease to cope with not only for the person who is going through that but also to the ones in their lives.

i have made no progress what so ever on my grand plans. if i can be real with y’all for a second, the past few months have been a bit difficult of my entire fucking life second only to those right after my husband’s death. i’ve been hit with like twenty different curve balls and all at the same time, and again and again and again. i’ve realized many things like who your friends are and who i can count on, ventured out of my security zone, my family’s and my personal traumas and my oh so many allergies; i have to hold people up even when i was not able to hold myself up; but the good news is i have finally forgiven myself and come to love myself and i have wept over how precious the life is and all those lives were of my loved ones… i have wept at how we all are evolving at such a rapid & terrifying rate.

wept inconsolably when saying goodbyes to the nba games on tv and the goodbyes to my precious warriors. how i said goodbye to my best, best friend who came to visit me and, my face puffy, breaking out in hives, and cried all the way back to my home, in the mist. i have been so lonely countless times, but i have — & this is where it comes — i have never felt so tremendously proud of myself. in my entire life. there has never been a point where i felt like i am capable of anything, & i feel that now. truly, more than anything. my sense of self is so strong, and i know that this may be a momentary feeling, that i may be basking in a new-glow, a feeling of hope & opportunity like you would find in a new language, a new place, a nuevo-scape that one have yet to understand, and master but i am ready to immerse. i am ready to become. i am ready, so ready. i want to engage as intimately and meaningfully in a place, with the people that mean something to me, & i will glow, and the ones i love around me will glow, and we will be so brilliant under every single sky.